


Statement of Jon Arbuckle, Head Archivist

by Cyrus_The_Virus



Category: Garfield - All Media Types, The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Cat, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Horror, Statement Fic (The Magnus Archives), The Flesh - Freeform, god i dont know why im doing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:06:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28204317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyrus_The_Virus/pseuds/Cyrus_The_Virus
Summary: STATEMENT OF JON ARBUCKLE, HEAD ARCHIVIST OF THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE, LONDON, ABOUT HIS PET CAT'S PECULIAR DIET. STATEMENT TAKEN DIRECTLY FROM SUBJECT ON JUNE NINTH, TWO THOUSAND AND SIXTEEN.STATEMENT BEGINS:Y'know Garfield's always been a picky eater. At first, I just chalked it up to him being a kitten and not being used to food that wasn't his mother's milk, but then things... changed.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 30





	Statement of Jon Arbuckle, Head Archivist

RECORDING BEGINS:

STATEMENT OF JON ARBUCKLE, HEAD ARCHIVIST OF THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE, LONDON, ABOUT HIS PET CAT'S PECULIAR DIET. STATEMENT TAKEN DIRECTLY FROM SUBJECT ON JUNE NINTH, TWO THOUSAND AND SIXTEEN.

STATEMENT BEGINS:

Y'know Garfield's always been a picky eater. At first, I just chalked it up to him being a kitten and not being used to food that wasn't his mother's milk, but then things... changed.

He started eating the kitten kibble I'd bought him, but he was never really full. He always pawed at the bag and meowed for more. I just thought he was a glutton, or-or that he liked the food a bit much. I never... never really thought it'd devolve into what it did.

If I'm honest, the people I got him from told me to be careful of what he eats. I didn't think much of it in the moment. Garfield was just an adorable little orange tabby kitten. 

Come to think about it, those people seemed a bit... off. I don't remember their faces, goodness how could I? I got Garfield from them a decade, or close to it, ago. But I do remember noticing that the man's, the taller one that is, arms were too long and thick to be normal. I just thought he was lanky and a bodybuilder.

When he was about fully grown, he started hunting. For mice or insects, anything he could reasonably catch and stick in his mouth. He didn't bring me dead rodents or leaves or anything of the sort cats are expected to do. I had to increase the amount of food I gave him. Two meals of one scoop- about a quarter cup of food- turned into three meals of one scoop, then into three meals of one and a half scoops, then three meals of two scoops. 

Trouble didn't really start until I got Odie, my dog. 

See, Garfield had an... I wouldn't call it an _encounter_ , per se. Garfield had an incident with a dog when he was a kitten. He'd gotten out of the house, squeezed between my leg and the door when I came home. I thought I'd never see him again. He wasn't an adventurous cat by nature but well, you know the saying. He'd have bursts of energy where he wanted to explore everything and anything. I had to replace multiple toilet rolls and socks because of them. I digress, Garfield had gotten out and a dog had cornered him in an alley a few houses down. He was never quite the same after that.

So when I got Odie, I didn't expect him to be warm or cuddly with the puppy. And he wasn't, for the most part. He'd have moments where he'd chase Odie and harass him, but he was never outright aggressive.

Until I had left my dinner on the counter unsupervised. It was meat lasagna, homemade. I'm not Italian, but my grandmother had Italian friends and she was fond of their food. When she died, she left me her cookbook, full of recipes she'd made or come across over her adult life. I'll admit... a lot of the stuff in there is on the more... esoteric side.

Anyways, Garfield had hopped onto the counter and started eating the lasagna. He never really stopped being hungry, like I said earlier, only momentarily not _as_ hungry. Imagine my surprise finding my cat chowing down on my dinner! I was terrified for him. The lasagna wasn't exactly cat safe, or human safe really. So I took him to the vet.

The vet was empty, save a cowering dog, medium size, in the lobby with its owner. The lobby was cold, it was air conditioned. I was shivering with the pet carrier in my lap, Garfield blissfully silent. He never liked the vet.

We were called into the examination room by the vet, a tall man with no hair and eyes hidden behind thick glasses. I explained to him what had happened. He did a basic check-up for Garfield, before ultimately ruling that he was fine but would probably have digestion trouble for the rest of the week. 

The vet visit had calmed me slightly, but not completely. Garfield is a pretty stationary cat, but over the next few weeks he was like a rabid animal. He was running all over, digging through things, tearing things apart. It wasn't until I made another recipe from my grandmother's cookbook that I realized what was going on. Garfield had somehow gotten a taste for Grandma's food. 

Back to Odie. Garfield was never kind to Odie, not until after the lasagna incident. After he ate that piece of lasagna, he and Odie were practically inseparable. Sure, he'd still mess around with Odie but he was never malicious. He always seemed more like a playful child who didn't know how to pull his punches.

I worried for Odie between the incident and when I realized what was going on. Plenty of the recipes called for the meat of a canine, whether wild or domestic. But Garfield never tried to attack or eat Odie, in fact I'd say he became overprotective of the pup.

I've lost many prospective partners because of Garfield and Odie. Garfield because he's too human-like. They'd always say he was watching them, perceiving them in ways they thought they shouldn't be perceived. I can't say I blame them, but then again, cats have always been smarter than dogs to me. They'd say Odie was too dumb, or too loud, or too annoying. I never liked them insulting him. Odie was still a puppy when I was entertaining thoughts of romance, of course he was going to be a little off-kilter. 

Nowadays, Garfield has calmed down about his liking of Grandma's recipes. I give him some lasagna once or twice a month if he's good. Odie's grown into a proper dog, somedays he's just like he was as a puppy, somedays he's like Garfield, too knowing, but mostly he's just Odie. 

STATEMENT ENDS

SUPPLEMENTAL:

I can't say I'm that surprised by any of this. I don't think I've ever talked so much about Garfield in this way before.

I had one of the assistants, Jonathan Sims, look into the people I'd originally gotten Garfield from. He came back empty handed, except a few newspaper clippings about a shady business duo who were suspected of running a kitten mill and a dog fighting ring.

There's not much else to this case is there? Garfield is an overweight tabby cat who likes lounging in the sun and Odie is a boisterous golden retriever. There is not much else I can say on the matter.

RECORDING ENDS


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